


Mind Set On Overdrive

by ExhaustedCommonSense



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alpha Hermann Gottlieb, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Dehydration, F/M, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Multi, Omega Newton Geiszler, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Slow Burn, Smut, When in doubt add angst, but only for newt, mentions of newt/oc, newt is hermann-sexual, the consequences of drifting with an alien brain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-27 05:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14418567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExhaustedCommonSense/pseuds/ExhaustedCommonSense
Summary: Expected consequences of Drifting with a Kaiju brain: headaches, dizziness, vision loss, brain damage, death.It was just his luck that his mind had decided that he had to mate for life and that his mate would be his married best friend.





	Mind Set On Overdrive

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Brain Stew by Green Day

It wasn’t that Newton hadn’t known Hermann was married before their Drift, it was just that he couldn’t help but fall in love with him anyway. He was so in love with him that it never even occurred to him to be jealous or upset that nothing would happen. He could tell by the look on his face and the tone of his voice when he spoke of his wife that they were deliriously happy together and Newt couldn’t help but be thrilled for them.

However, that didn’t mean he’d ever wanted Hermann to know about his feelings. It was one thing to be in love with your best friend and be happy to never become more and a completely different thing to confess your love and expect them to treat you the same.

They were both too focused on saving the world immediately after the Drift to think about what they saw in each other’s heads. Personally, Newt hoped they wouldn’t have to think about it and the memories would fade away before Hermann could examine them.

Unfortunately, no amount of alcohol from the afterparty worked to clear his head of foreign memories so he knew it would be the same for Hermann. He was woken up the day after the Breach closed by a banging on his door and barely managed to stumble to his door without throwing up, where he was met by an equally hungover Tendo.

“Go to medical,” he ordered with a glare. “I did not appreciate getting a phone call from a panicked doctor when she realised you didn’t get checked over after yesterday.”

Newton groaned and rested his head on the door frame in an attempt to stop swaying. “Did Hermann go?” He staggered back into his room, leaving the door open, while he pulled on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, wishing he had time for a shower.

“He went before the party,” Tendo rubbed his head pathetically. “Smart man that one.”

With the reassurance that Hermann would probably still be sleeping off his own hangover since he had had the foresight to visit medical the night before, Newt followed after Tendo, praying that they would give him something for his headache.

“You!” Doctor Varela stormed over with a shout, causing both men to moan. “You didn’t come in for a scan!”

“Sorry Trini,” Newt gave her a weak smile and ducked his head. “Please can I have a painkiller?”

“Me too,” Tendo raised his hand, shrinking when she turned her glare on him. “Or not. Maybe I’ll just go back to bed. Good luck man.”

“Coward!” Newt shouted after him, wincing in regret when his head throbbed from the noise.

“No painkillers until I’ve done my tests,” Trini told him, shooing him towards a bed. “It serves you right, you shouldn’t have been drinking anyway, not when we don’t know what damage you caused yourself.”

Thankfully, she worked quickly and efficiently. She tested his reflexes and pupils before taking him to get an MRI. The good thing about working with Jaeger pilots was having to have an MRI machine available for any Drift complications. Newt was just happy that he got to lie down after the agony of having a light shone into his eyes while hungover.

“You will have to come back tomorrow so that I can redo most of the tests again,” she informed him as she took a blood sample. “Your hungover state may effect your results and I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

“Anything you can tell me now?” Newt questioned, accepting the painkiller and dry swallowing it.

“Nothing definitive,” she brushed him off and then dismissed him before he could ask anything else.

Doctors that refused to give answers usually didn’t have good news, so Newt was understandably nervous upon leaving medical without a clean bill of health. Resolving not to stress too much before he had a reason to, he set off to go back to bed and then changed his mind halfway there.

Instead, he ducked into the mess and filled a tray with enough food for two and then made his way towards Tendo’s room. Tendo looked less than pleased to be woken up again when he answered the door, but he let Newt in anyway.

“I brought food and painkillers,” he passed over the tray and pulled out the bottle that he’d been given by Dr Varela.

“Marry me,” Tendo took a tablet and washed it down with a mouthful of dry toast.

“Mr Choi,” Newt batted his eyelashes. “I do believe you’re already married.”

Tendo laughed and passed the tray over so that they could share the rest of the food. They finished eating in silence and shoved the tray onto the floor. Tendo raised an eyebrow at him, but he didn’t hesitate to pull him down onto the bed so that they could curl up together.

It was a habit of theirs that they would sleep in each other’s beds when they were feeling down since they were so far away from family. In spite of the rumours that occasionally circled the Shatter Dome when they were caught leaving each other’s room in the morning, they had never had sex and their relationship was purely platonic.

“Bad news?” Tendo murmured into Newt’s hair.

“Don’t know yet,” he answered quietly, pushing his head into Tendo’s chest. “I have to go back tomorrow.”

Letting the subject drop, they talked quietly about what they would do now that the Breach was closed before they fell asleep again. They slept through lunch as they recovered from their hangovers and only woke up before dinner because Raleigh banged on Tendo’s door, startling them both awake.

“What?” Tendo called out groggily, sitting up slightly as the door opened.

“You missed lunch,” Raleigh flicked his eyes from Tendo to Newt. “Figured you wouldn’t want to miss dinner too.”

Tendo groaned and shoved at Newt until he fell out of bed with a startled shout, still tangled up in the blanket. It had the intended purpose of revealing that they were both still dressed which caused Raleigh to relax a little and step back so that Mako could also see into the room.

“Good afternoon, Mr Choi, Dr Geiszler,” she greeted them with a smile, clearly resisting the urge to giggle as Newt flailed around trying to untangle himself.

“You’re a human disaster, Newt,” Tendo snorted, leaning down off the bed to pull the blanket off of him.

Newt grumbled and stood up, pulling Tendo off the bed so that they could get something to eat. “Good afternoon,” he finally answered Mako, turning to look at them while pulling on his shoes. “Did you manage to escape medical last night?”

They’re eyes widened slightly when they caught sight of Newt’s bloodshot eye; they’d had to go straight to medical when they got back from their mission and if they’d joined the party afterwards, Newt had been too drunk to recall it, but judging from their reaction, they hadn’t bumped into either him or Hermann.

“We left early this morning,” Raleigh told them, moving out of the way so that they could leave the room.

“Well, from what I remember you missed an awesome party,” Newt flinched when Tendo elbowed him and stared at him accusingly until he realised what he’d said. “Crap, sorry.”

Newt scanned the mess hall automatically but couldn’t see Hermann; he hoped that he had eaten earlier and wasn’t skipping meals. It was beginning to feel uncomfortably like they were avoiding each other, which was one reason why Newt had never said anything about his feelings.

From the Drift, Newt had picked up on feelings of fondness from Hermann, but nothing more. All of Hermann’s love was centred on Vanessa, who – after experiencing first hand his memories of her – Newt couldn’t help but be fond of too.

“Don’t tell me you’re fighting again,” Tendo caught him looking around the room and correctly guessed who he was searching for. “You Drifted together, you can’t still claim to hate each other.”

“We’re not fighting,” Newt denied, feeling like it was only half true. “I haven’t even seen him since we left LOCCENT.”

“Pilots don’t usually like to be separated straight after Drifting,” Raleigh commented as they sat down.

“We’re not pilots,” Newt shrugged and stared at his pasta. “And it wasn’t exactly a normal Drift.”

Truthfully, Newt had felt uncomfortable to be away from Hermann at the beginning of the night, but that had faded away with alcohol. Admittedly, he could feel it as they sat there; the urge to go find him and stay close, but he was able to ignore it.

He noticed Mako and Raleigh exchange glances, but he ignored it and focused on chewing his food. Tendo noticed the sombre mood and began to tell them about the stories Allison had passed on about their son, and how he was excited to be finally able to go home to them.

Still feeling tired despite the fact that he’d slept the day away, Newt waved off their offer to join them in the rec room after eating and instead escaped to his own room. It was disappointing but not surprising that the room was completely undisturbed in a way that meant Hermann hadn’t gone looking for him.

Newt slept badly and eventually got up to have a shower and get dressed when it became apparent that he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. He would get to medical earlier than he’d planned, but it was probably better to get it over with anyway.

Typically, he stepped out of his door and immediately ran into Hermann. Automatically, he reached out and steadied him before he had to put too much weight on his cane. Once they had both straightened up, Newt removed his hands from his shoulders and took a small step back, offering a weak smile when Hermann tracked the movement.

“Hey, Hermann,” Newt began to get nervous when he didn’t say anything and wondered why he had ever wanted to search him out. Suddenly, he realised that it was entirely possible that Hermann hadn’t even meant to bump into him; his mind could have urged him to find him without him realising. “So, I have to go.”

“We have to talk at some point,” Hermann interrupted his escape, causing Newt to hunch his shoulders and rock on his feet.

“But not right now,” Newt excused and turned to make his way towards medical, pretending that he hadn’t heard the sigh Hermann let out as he left.

He felt more drained then he probably should have upon entering medical; his mind was urging him to go back and he had to keep shoving the instinct down, knowing how much that was a bad idea. Dr Varela took one look at him and frowned, ushering him to get another MRI before repeating all of the tests he had to do yesterday and taking fresh blood.

“The good news,” she started. “Is that everything seems to be working as it should. Your reflexes are normal, your blood work came back fine if you ignore the borderline alcohol poisoning from yesterday, and you seem to be as close to perfect health as you ever are.”

“But,” Newt prompted, not feeling the relief he should have done from the news.

“But,” she agreed, opening up her file and passing him two MRI scans. “This scan is from your last check up about two months ago, and this one is from today.”

He stared at the two scans; his brain automatically took in the differences and began to process what it could mean. “So, brain damage.”

“I’m afraid so,” she took the scans back and slipped them into a file which she then handed over, knowing he would want to study them later. “I can’t tell you what sort of symptoms you will have, or how it will affect you. No one’s ever done what you did, and there’s no way of knowing what will happen in the future. I can try to guess based on your scans, but truthfully I’ve never seen damage like this before, it’s too precise for me to accurately understand what it means for you.”

Newt nodded numbly. “What about Hermann?”

He would never forgive himself if his experiment had hurt Hermann; he could handle his own brain damage and accept that it was something he had to do, but it would break him if he had hurt Hermann’s beautiful brain.

“Dr Gottlieb’s scans have come back as normal,” she informed him quickly, easily reading the distress on his face. “I don’t think he’d mind me telling you that his recent scan doesn’t show any marked difference to his previous check-up. He’s fine.”

“Great, that’s great, thank you,” he jumped to his feet and picked up the file. “Can you please not tell him about this?”

“Of course, Dr Geiszler,” she smiled sympathetically at him. “I respect patient-confidentiality. I am, however, obligated to tell the Marshall if you choose to remain working here.”

“Thanks,” he grimaced.

Newt walked out feeling dazed. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now; his job was finished since the Breach was closed and no more Kaiju could get through. Feeling at a bit lost, he wandered aimlessly, purposefully going in the opposite direction to wherever his mind tried to send him.

It was fascinating how he must have still had a small connection to Hermann; just enough to know which direction he was in. However, they weren’t going to be working together anymore; they would finish up their final reports and then Hermann would go home to his beautiful wife – who he loved – and Newt would be alone again.

With this in mind, he changed direction again and ended up outside the Marshall’s office. He wasn’t entirely sure that Hansen would be there; he had been made Marshall during the absence and death of Marshall Pentecost, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he’d chosen to use his office. Newt knew he could have asked Tendo where to find him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to explain why he wanted to talk to him.

Luckily, Marshall Hansen was sat at the desk looking as tired and lost as Newt felt. He knew that Tendo had planned to spend the day running errands for the new Marshall as the Shatter Dome quickly emptied of all non-essential staff; everyone was eager to get home now it was safe and there was no more work to be done.

“Dr Geiszler,” Hansen looked up and gestured for him to enter.

“Sir,” he offered a shaky salute.

“I know that look,” he motioned for Newt to take a seat across from him. “You wanting to get back home too?”

“Not really,” Newt shrugged. “I’d be happy to stay working for you until we’re shut down for good, but I don’t really have a job left to do. My work was exclusively with Kaiju, and there won’t be anymore of them. I can finish my experiments with the remaining specimens, but they’ll be useless in about a week.”

“Right,” Hansen sighed and Newt spared a moment to feel sorry for adding more problems to the stressed and grieving man. “The United Nations is trying to claim credit for what happened here. They weren’t pleased when I refused, mentioning that at the point of the final mission, we were an independently run Dome. My advice would be to take as much research as you have the right to and publish it. You will no doubt receive a lot of job offers in the coming days.”

“Thank you, sir,” Newt glanced down at his hands. “Dr Varela told me that she’ll be sending you my health records if I continue to work here. I wanted to let you know that I’m not leaving just because of that; I don’t see what sort of role I can have here now.”

“I see,” Hansen sounded hesitant. “Can I ask…?”

“Brain damage,” Newt looked up, refusing to be ashamed. “Not sure yet what sort of long term consequences it will have. I’d rather be gone before that happens.”

“Of course,” Hansen gave him a concerned look. “If you can be packed and ready, I can have you transferred out tonight. Do you have somewhere to go?”

“I haven’t had to pay for food or board for ten years,” Newt smirked. “I’m sure I’ll be able to afford a place. I’ll write up a report of what happened and then begin packing. If you can get me back stateside, I’ll start there and decide where I want to go next.”

He stood up and offered the Marshall his hand. Hansen copied him and gave his hand a firm shake. “Keep me informed, Dr Geiszler.”

With a final nod, Newt headed towards the lab, his Hermann radar telling him that he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t be able to take the Kaiju samples with him, so there wasn’t much in the lab for him to pack up. He grabbed an empty box and quickly filled it with all of his personal notes; his official reports were the property of the PPDC.

He kept his report as professional as possible, ending it once the Breach was closed; the damage it caused to his brain was personal and until he knew what it would mean for him long-term, he didn’t want to field questions about it. Once finished, he placed it on top of his box to deliver to Hansen and then began poking around looking for any personal items.

There wasn’t much personal stuff in the lab; a consequence of working with corrosive liquids. However, there were a few little Kaiju statues that he packed up and an old tie that he found under a stack of files.

Unable to resist the temptation, he wandered over to Hermann’s side of the lab and took a quick look around. He tried to convince himself that he was looking for anything that might have accidently ended up on the other side of the line. Newt hesitated at the blackboards; he felt bad about planning to leave without letting Hermann know, but he also really didn’t want to face the gentle let down that was sure to follow any conversation that they had.

In the end, he picked up a piece of chalk and scribbled a quick note onto an empty corner of one of the boards and then kept the chalk. Hermann didn’t keep any personal objects in the lab, when he’d commented on it, Hermann had argued back that it was bad enough his paperwork got ruined without bringing in sentimental objects too. Newt would have been extra careful not to damage anything Hermann had a personal attachment to, but it was just as well that there weren’t any personal objects since the mood he was in would probably have caused him to keep something.

When Hermann next came into the lab, he would notice the missing piece of chalk; Newt had tested it before and he always realised when there were pieces missing, but hopefully he wouldn’t be too annoyed. The note he left was short, but he wasn’t sure what to write:

 _Hermann, I’m sorry_  
Go home, make smart babies with your wonderful wife.  
Stay safe.

There was no point adding his love; they both knew how he felt and Newt wasn’t going to rub his face in it. His feelings were his own problem.

With nothing left for him in the lab, he went back to his room and began packing up there too. Even there though, there wasn’t much to pack up. He’d been traveling light for the last ten years; always ready to leave and go to the next Dome. The last ten years of his life were easily packed into two suitcases, one a little bulkier than the other once he’d emptied the box from the lab into one of them.

At a loss and feeling a little pathetic, he pulled out the piece of chalk and began wrapping some spare string around it. His hands moved absently as he pondered what he was going to do with his life outside of the PPDC; MIT would most likely accept him back, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go back to teaching.

Truthfully, there wasn’t much he would feel comfortable doing until he knew for sure what sort of problems his brain damage would cause. The last thing he wanted was for everyone to notice that there was something wrong with him.

His stomach growling made him remember that he’d skipped lunch and that he needed to say goodbye to Tendo before he left. His chalk was neatly tied on the string like an amulet when he looked down, held in place by small knots as the string created a cage around it. When he was younger, his uncle had taught him how to make necklaces from stones on the beach and spare string in an attempt to keep him occupied, but he hadn’t done anything like that in a long time.

Absently, he placed the string around his neck and fastened it to finish the necklace. The Drift must have brought his childhood memories closer to the surface; he knew if he looked then he would see Hermann’s childhood too, but he pushed the memories back down.

The chalk hung low enough that he would be able to take the necklace off without untying it; it also meant that it was hidden by his shirt and tie. Newt figured that he’d wear it for a few days tops until his mind got over the post-Drift symptoms and it didn’t feel so odd to be away from Hermann.

You had to Drift with someone more than once to create a Ghost Drift, so at least he didn’t have that to compete with too. He was just thankful that while he and Hermann were Drift Compatible – which was why he was experiencing post-Drift loneliness – the Kaiju had been so foreign that his mind had rejected it.

Tendo wasn’t with the Marshall when he went to drop off his report, but Hansen told him to make sure Tendo ate something before he came back. He also told him that there would be a helicopter going ashore at 1900 hours and if he missed it then he’d be stuck at the Dome for another two days. He would be traveling with two Jaeger mechanics, one of which would be accompanying him all the way to America, while the other had decided to travel to Tokyo.

It wasn’t too hard to find Tendo; he was just finishing putting away paperwork in LOCCENT when he got there. He’d taken it upon himself to stay with the Marshall and help out until everything was complete, but that wouldn’t be too long; the Dome was in the process of closing and would finally shut down within two weeks.

“I’ve been ordered to make sure you eat,” he announced cheerfully. “The Marshall doesn’t want you back until then.”

Tendo snorted. “Like you’re one to talk,” he dumped the rest of the documents into a draw and followed him out. “I didn’t see you at lunch.”

Newt shrugged casually. “I was busy packing.”

“You leaving soon?” Tendo looked surprised. “I thought we’d have to drag you away from those Kaiju remains kicking and screaming.”

“You thought wrong,” he collected a tray and passed one along to Tendo. “I leave tonight.”

“Tonight!” He yelped, ducking his head when people glanced at him. He loaded their trays up and then steered them out of the mess. They ended up in an empty Jaeger bay where they had to sit on the floor to eat. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Newt gestured with a piece of his pizza. “There’s nothing for me to do here, anyway, I might as well go and figure out the rest of my life.”

“Bullshit,” Tendo scowled. “You wouldn’t usually leave until the Kaiju parts were completely finished. What happened at medical? You were fine last night!”

“Nothing,” Newt protested. “She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already suspect.”

“So, there is something,” Tendo poked miserably at his chips. “You could go live with Allison, keep her company until I come home.”

“Thanks, man,” he nudged him with his shoulder and took a bite of his pizza. “But Allison already has Gabe to look after, she doesn’t need to be worried about me as well. I’ll be fine.”

“Hermann would probably take you in,” Tendo shrugged at the incredulous stare that got him. “You Drifted together. There’s no denying that you’re friends now.”

“I’m not staying with Hermann,” Newt shook his head when Tendo opened his mouth. “I haven’t even told him I’m leaving.”

This time Tendo was the one to stare at him. “You’ve spent ten years together and now you’re going to leave without saying goodbye.”

Newt hunched down and chewed his pizza spitefully, annoyed that Tendo was going to make him say it. “You’re my friend, and I know full well that you’re not that much of an idiot.”

“I know you’re in love with him,” he agreed, ignoring his flinch. “But you’ve been in love with him for years, what difference does that make?”

“Well,” Newt sighed. “As you keep pointing out, we Drifted together. If it’s that obvious to you, how obvious do you think it is inside my head?”

“Oh,” Tendo passed him a couple of chips in apology. “You’ll stay in touch, right? And you’ll ring me if you ever need help? Seriously, you’re always welcome to stay with us.”

“Allison would love that,” Newt snorted. “Honey, I know you’ve already got one baby to look after, but here’s my brain damaged colleague who you’ve never met before, he’s going to be staying with us, that’s cool, right?”

Tendo was the one that flinched that time. “She honestly wouldn’t mind, I talk about you all the time,” his voice went quiet as his gaze automatically went to Newt’s red eye. “Brain damage?”

“Noticeable on a MRI scan,” he confirmed, passing over the last slice of his pizza, his appetite completely gone. “God knows what sort of symptoms solo Drifting with a Kaiju gets you.”

Once they were finished eating, Tendo accompanied him back to his room and helped him carry his suitcases up to the roof. The helicopter was there waiting and suddenly the last thing he wanted to do was get on it.

“Look after Hermann for me, yeah?” He requested shakily.

“I will if you look after yourself,” Tendo pulled him into a hug that let him know just how much Tendo didn’t want to say goodbye. “Call me once you’ve settled somewhere.”

It was harder than he’d thought it would be to get on the helicopter and watch the Dome get smaller. He’d spent a decade at one Shatter Dome or another, constantly working in the hopes of ending the war. Now the war was over and Newt didn’t know what he was going to do.

Scott, the mechanic that would be following him to America, was more than happy to take his mind off of his thoughts; he told him about how much he was looking forward to getting home and seeing his family. Newt smiled and tried not to let on how much the subject of family bothered him; he hadn’t even contacted his parents to let them know what had happened yet.

They had an hour to wait in Hong Kong airport before their direct flight to California; the flight would take them 12 hours, so Newt guessed that it would be a good time to ring his family since they wouldn’t be able to contact him again straight away.

He started with his mum since he hadn’t seen her in person since he was twelve. She’d always been more focused on her opera career than her son; it used to bother him when he was younger, but he’d eventually grown to accept that she wasn’t meant to be a mother.

“Mum,” he greeted once she picked up. “It’s Newt.”

“Dr Gieszler,” she sounded pleased. “I heard on the news that it’s over.”

“It is,” he confirmed easily. “We did it. We closed the Breach.”

“That’s great,” she gave a little laugh. “It will be so nice to be able to travel without worrying about those terrible beasts. They were such a nuisance.”

Newt choked back a laugh at her description of the Kaiju. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay. I’m on my way back to America.”

“Wonderful,” she hummed under her breath. “I’ll be in Nebraska in July, I’ll get you a ticket if you’re in the area. I’ve had to make sure all my shows were inland, it will be a nice change to be able to sing anywhere again.”

“Of course, mum,” he rolled his eyes. “I have to go.”

“Have a nice flight,” she hung up.

Newt stared at his phone for a few seconds trying to build up the confidence to call his dad next. His father had always been accepting of his job and his passion for the Kaiju’s, and then Yamarashi had torn its way through Los Angeles and killed his uncle. He didn’t understand how Newt could still be fascinated by them, or why he thought it was a good idea to get the monster that had killed part of his family tattooed on his arm. They hadn’t talked since that attack.

“Dad,” Newt winced; he’d half expected him not to pick up the phone. “It’s over. We won.”

“Are you okay?” He asked shakily.

“I’m fine,” he lied easily. There was no reason to worry his father when he didn’t even know the full extent of the damage yet. “I’m coming back to America.”

“That’s great, Newt,” he sounded sad. “I’m living near to Berlin these days. You’re always welcome to visit.”

“Of course,” he tried not to get choked up. He didn’t know what upset him more; that he hadn’t spoken to his father in so long that he hadn’t even known that he’d moved, or that his father had just basically told him that he’d only be welcome to visit. “I’ll try do that.”

“Let me know where you settle,” his dad requested.

“I will,” he promised. “Goodbye, dad.”

“Goodbye, Newt.”

He hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. He could only hope that his relationship with his father got better over time. Of course, there was no keeping the Drift secret, which meant that his father would most likely be furious upon finding out that he’d Drifted with a Kaiju. Hopefully, their relationship would be stable enough by then to survive that revelation.

The flight was called not long after he’d put down his phone, and then he just had 12 hours on a plane to panic about the fact that he didn’t have a plan or any idea of where he was going. He mostly tried to sleep during the fight, using the time he was awake to sketch out his next tattoo; he wanted Otachi somewhere since it was the first Kaiju he’d seen up close.

Upon landing in California, he booked into a hotel near to the airport and decided to see what sort of options he had before going anywhere else. As Hansen had predicted, he had quite a few job offers in his inbox; word was already getting around about his involvement in closing the Breach and the work he did for the PPDC.

Eventually, he accepted the offer to be a gust lecturer back at MIT as it was one of the few offers that let him work on a part time basis. He couldn’t promise to work full time anywhere until he knew for sure what his condition would be like in a few months. By the sound of their email, MIT assumed he’d still be working part-time for the PPDC, so they would be understanding if he couldn’t work every day.

In truth, he probably would be sending constant reports to the PPDC; it never hurt to be prepared and he knew that Hansen wanted everything officially recorded just in case the Breach ever opened up again.

They gave him a couple of weeks to get settled in before he was expected at work, which at least meant that managed to find a nice apartment that was near enough to the campus that he wouldn’t have to get up too early on a morning. As he’d expected, his bank account was enough to buy the apartment he liked and still have money left over.

It was tough settling into the routine of lecturing again; he enjoyed it and the students were enthusiastic, but it was difficult because he didn’t feel like he was doing anything. He was used to more hands-on work. He couldn’t even imagine how Mako and Raleigh were doing; they’d been sent on a press tour to promote their victory.

About a month after he’d left the Dome, he began to experience what he guessed would be the first of his symptoms from the brain damage. He woke up on a Tuesday morning feeling antsy and couldn’t settle down. The thought of leaving the house nearly sent him into a panic attack, so he called the university and let them know that he wouldn’t be in, giving himself a week just in case it turned into something that he needed to be check out for.

Thankfully, the university were understanding and easily gave him the week off. He spent the first day off tidying up his flat and then reorganising his bedroom. The urge to find Hermann had gotten stronger than it had ever been, including the time straight after the Drift. He picked up the phone five times with the intention to ring him before he finally unplugged it from the wall to stop temptation.

Naively, he thought that if that was as bad as it would get, then he’d be fine. It was uncomfortable and lonely, but he could handle it. The only part that he couldn’t live with was the extreme anxiety at just the thought of leaving his flat; by the time it was dark outside, he felt panic stricken at the idea of leaving his bedroom and promised himself that he’d call someone for help if he felt the same the next day.

However, the next day he felt completely different; he still didn’t want to leave the room, but it was more because he was painfully aroused than because he was panicked. He woke up hard and jerked off, unable to stop himself from imagining Hermann. He came over his hand and blinked in disbelief at his still hard dick.

His arousal was a low thrum running through his blood; he jerked off another three times before it wasn’t working to get him off anymore. His thoughts were filled with Hermann; it was like his body was crying out for him, the need rising and threatening to swallow him whole.

By the time night came around, he was sobbing into his pillow, three fingers thrusting into his ass and a hand on his dick. He had been coming dry for hours but the arousal hadn’t even dimmed. The exhaustion kicked in around midnight and he passed out, but it felt worse when he woke up.  

If he’d thought it was bad before, it was nothing to how it was after he woke up. He writhed on the bed; his body hypersensitive to every touch even as he couldn’t find relief. He was so turned on that it was painful but nothing helped; it felt like every molecule in his body was screaming out for Hermann.

The third day was like the first; the arousal was thrumming in the background, but it wasn’t as strong as it had been. He was so sensitive that he came from the slightest of touches, which was good since his fingers were cramped from trying to thrust deeper and he’d run out of lube the day before.

It was over by the time he woke up on the fourth day; the need drained out of him during the night, leaving him feeling empty and alone. The depression hit straight after; the loneliness swamped him and he couldn’t hold back his cries at the thought that Hermann hadn’t come for him; that he’d had to go through it without him.

He felt better emotionally once he’d fallen asleep: the despair rolling back to a reasonable level. However, he had to take another two days to recover from the dehydration; he could only guess that his metabolism had slowed down since he hadn’t become hungry or needed to go to the toilet during those three days, but he still experienced symptoms of dehydration. It was probably lucky that that was all he had; he’d had an uncomfortable time checking himself for bleeding and was relieved that he always kept his nails cut short.

In all, by the time he was fully recovered, six days had passed. All he could hope was that it never happened again; he prayed that it was a one-time thing, just one purge of hormones left over from the Drift. He went into work as normal on Monday, insisting that he felt better even as everyone gave him concerned looks.

When a month passed without any repeats, he began to relax again. A couple of his colleagues invited him for a night out ad he happily accepted, realising that he wasn’t going to get happier or settle into his new life if he constantly isolated himself.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Newt glanced up at the guy that had come over and grinned; skinny but tall with blonde hair and green eyes.

“Sure,” he waved at his smirking colleagues and followed the guy to the bar.

They chatted for about an hour; it was surprising how easy it was to talk to this random stranger, perhaps because he didn’t know anything about Newt’s role with the PPDC. It was just as easy to let himself be dragged out of the club.

What wasn’t easy was the flare of pure panic when the guy leant down and kissed him. It was sudden and overwhelming, but in that moment, all he wanted to do was get as far away from the attractive stranger that was only trying to kiss him.

“Shit,” he swore, flinching back. “Sorry, sorry. Can we try that again?”

The guy frowned in confusion but pulled him close for another kiss. This time, his reaction was more violent; he jerked back like he’d been electrocuted and barely managed to turn around before throwing up. His mind was screaming a mantra of _not Hermann_. Unsurprisingly, the guy didn’t stick around to see if he was okay; usually he’d class it as a jerk move, but all he felt at that moment was relief.

Having a panic attack in an alleyway wasn’t how he’d planned to end the night and it left him feeling exhausted once he made it back to his flat. After that, he only attempted to kiss someone one more time, curious as to whether the gender would make a difference in his reaction. However, he had the same panicked feeling after trying to kiss a woman and the thought of sex with either gender made him want to cry. His mind had apparently decided that he was Hermann-sexual and he had no say in the matter.

Experiment complete, Newt went out and bought two of the biggest tubs of lube he could find and a dildo. Even if what had happened never happened again, he was still going to be alone forever, so he might as well have at least one fun toy.

Three months after his non-stop sex marathon, he woke up feeling the same antsy panicky feeling that he’d felt before. Knowing it was the only warning he was going to get, he spent the day drinking as much as he could and stocking bottles of water in his bedroom.

Of course, keeping bottles of water at hand only works when you’re in the right state of mind to remember to drink something. It was likely that he only managed to remember to use lube because it made it easier and more enjoyable; he didn’t get thirsty during those days, it wasn’t until after that the dehydration ever kicked in.

He’d done a lot of research about what had happened in preparation for if it happened again and he could only conclude that his brain had somehow given him a heat cycle like some sort of animal. The first day was his nesting period where he didn’t want to leave his safe area and all he wanted to do was make sure everything was clean and in the right place. The next three days were the heat itself, with the middle day being the most intense, and then the fifth day probably should have been to re-establish the bonds between him and his ‘mate’ but instead was filled with misery as he suffered alone.

He could only assume that since the brain damage occurred during his solo Drift with the Kaiju, that when he’d Drifted with Hermann his mind had latched on to him, recognizing his feelings for the other man, and created a bond. It was just his luck that his mind had decided that he had to mate for life and that his mate would be his married best friend. To his complete frustration, he found that he had no libido when not in heat, unable to even jerk off unless it was during those three days.

Typically, he found out while he was on day one of his two-day recovery stage that the PPDC had let slip about his and Hermann’s Drift with a Kaiju and that had led to the revelation that he’d Drifted solo with a Kaiju brain. He had multiple emails asking about it, but the only one he answered was from Marshall Hansen who wanted a statement to respond to the press. Poor Mako and Raleigh were finishing up the press tour and didn’t know how to field the questions about him.

_Dear Marshall Hansen,_

_Please find below my statement to the press. Please check with Dr Gottlieb before you send this off, as I have referenced his health records._

_“Concerning my Drift with a Kaiju brain, I can only say that it was necessary at the time. It was dangerous and I made a slight miscalculation that could have killed me. I don’t regret it as it allowed us to get vital information that was needed to close the Breach._

_I fixed my miscalculation before my colleague, Dr Gottlieb, and I attempted a second Drift with a Kaiju. The second Drift was much more successful and I have since been informed that Dr Gottlieb suffered no ill effects from the Drift._

_I would not consider Drifting with a Kaiju as an option again except as a last resort and as such the knowledge of how I created a stable Drift will remain known only to myself. The solo Drift did result in brain damage but I will not be disclosing my symptoms. Whether the damage was done from my miscalculation or from taking on the neural load alone, I can’t say.”_

_Kind regards,_

_Newt_

He wrote and sent it quickly, checking that it had been delivered before switching his laptop off and crawling back under his covers with a bottle of water. Hopefully, MIT would continue to be understanding of his illnesses once they knew they were caused by brain damage. Providing they didn’t fire him for being stupid enough to Drift with a Kaiju.

Just as he was falling asleep, his mobile let out a loud ring and began to vibrate across his bedside table. Letting out a pitiful groan, he kept his eyes closed as he felt for his mobile and accepted the call.

“’Lo?” He grumbled, praying it wasn’t a nosy reporter that had got a hold of his number.

“You have brain damage!” A shrill voice shouted, startling him into sitting up.

“Hermann,” he stared in amazement at his bedroom wall, his mind lighting up in pleased glows at the sound of his voice. “You called me.”

“Yes,” he snapped, sounding angry. “I convinced Tendo to give me your number.”

“You actually called,” to his utter mortification, he could feel himself start to cry, his body releasing mixed hormones until he didn’t know if they were tears of joy at hearing Hermann again or if he was sad that Hermann had only called because he was mad at him.

“Newton,” his tone of voice changed to something he could only class as concerned. “Are you crying.”

“Fuck,” he muffled a sob. “Sorry. Shit. You chose a bad time.”

“Newton, are you okay?” Hermann sounded properly worried now.

“I’m fine,” he swore again when it came out hysterical. “I’m recovering from a flare-up. Sorry. My emotions are a bit haywire.”

“I’m booking a flight,” it was said so matter-of-factly that it took a few seconds for Newt to realise what he’d said.

“What? No!” He protested immediately, pushing down what he’d begun to think of as his animal brain that was purring with pleasure at the idea of Hermann coming to see him. “You can’t.”

“Of course I can,” Hermann scoffed.

“I don’t want you to come,” Newt lied, unable to stop the sob that came out at the end.

“Honestly, Newton,” Hermann’s voice was fond. “You can’t lie at the best of times, never mind right now.”

“You can’t come,” he repeated stubbornly. The emotional backlash that would occur if he was to see Hermann didn’t bear thinking about; he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let him go a second time, and that thought made him feel incredibly guilty.

“You’ll have to give me an actual reason,” he could tell from the tone of his voice that he was distracted. It was easy to imagine him scrolling through flights while on the phone; thanks to the Drift, he knew exactly what their home looked like.

“It’s been four months,” Newt snapped, anger taking the place of his manic sadness. “Why do you care now?”

“It’s taken me this long to convince Tendo to give me your details,” Hermann argued back. “If you’ll remember, I’m not the one who left without saying goodbye.”

The hurt in his voice caused a high whine to escape before he could stop it; his instincts were urging him to make him mate feel better and if there had been any doubt in his mind over who his brain thought was the dominant mate in this arrangement, it was quickly erased by the sudden urge to bare his throat.

“I’m sorry about that,” he apologized quietly. “But you can’t come here for the same reason I couldn’t stay there.”

“Newton-”

“God damnit Hermann!” he cut him off before he could try to argue his point. “I’m in love with you. I know you want to help, but it’s not fair on me. You coming here won’t fix anything, it will only hurt when you leave.”

He hung up before anything else could be said and then switched his phone off. The wave of despair that had receded the night before quickly overcame him again as he curled up under his duvet and sobbed out all the liquid he’d managed to replace. He couldn’t even be angry at Hermann because he knew that he was concerned and worried about him.

With great difficulty, he managed to drag himself out of bed and open his window to air the smell of sex out of the bedroom before he stripped and changed the bed. He had to fight a wave of dizziness every time he straightened up, but he couldn’t stay in bed all day. MIT called to tell him that he could take as much time as he needed before coming back in which was all the confirmation he needed that his statement had been published.

He downed a bottle of water on his way to a much-needed shower and then just stood under the spray for a few minutes. It was terrifying to think that he’d have to go through that every three months; his body was out of his control and, even he wasn’t too embarrassed to go to a doctor, nobody would have the slightest idea of how to help him.

It was nice to climb into a clean bed once he’d forced himself out of the shower. His stomach growled as he was getting comfortable, alerting him to the fact that his metabolism was speeding back up to normal and he hadn’t eaten in four days, but he was still feeling too emotionally drained to get back up.

A pounding on his front door woke him up the next morning; he hadn’t met any of his neighbours and was a little too intimidated to try get to know them since they probably thought he was some sort of sexual deviant. His rumbling stomach and aching head were a stark reminder that he hadn’t fully recovered from his heat and would need to spend the day drinking and eating to recover his energy.

He stumbled to the door and then had to support himself with the door after opening it as he was hit with a head rush that threatened to knock him over. His vision went white from the dizziness and he swayed, only staying upright thanks to his grip on the door handle.

“Newton!” Hands reached out and steadied him.

“Fuck,” Newt gasped when his vision came back, letting him see that he hadn’t hallucinated the voice.

Hermann kept hold of his arm with one hand as the other tightened on his cane. They wobbled into the flat and Newt collapsed onto the couch, watching as Hermann shut the door and then came over to stand in front of him.

“What do you need?” Hermann asked immediately, examining him as if he was one of his equations. Newt knew exactly what he was seeing: he was sat in just his sweatpants with messy hair that would tell him he’d just crawled out of bed and glasses that didn’t do much to hide the fact his eyes were still red-rimmed from crying. He saw his eyes flick down to the chalk still hanging around his neck, but he didn’t say anything; Newt only took it off to shower, needing the comforting link to Hermann.

“I’m fine,” he sighed. “It’s like I said on the phone, I had a flare-up and I’m recovering. I’ll be back to normal once I’ve had something to eat and drink.”

Hermann nodded once and then marched over to the kitchen area, slamming open cupboards and the fridge in his search for something edible. Newt rubbed a hand over his face, wondering if it was worth trying to stop him or to just wait until he revealed the reason he was there.

In the end, his body decided for him; he fell asleep to the familiar sounds of Hermann walking around the room, his cane tapping out a rhythm as he went. Hermann nudged him awake not long after and prodded him until he dragged himself to the table.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, looking at the meal Hermann had somehow created from what little he had in the kitchen. He left any questions or conversations for after the meal, prioritising food over everything else after so long without eating. He stood up after eating much steadier on his feet and placed his plate next to the sink.

Anything he would have said disappeared when he turned around to find Hermann in front of him, trapping him against the counter. He couldn’t help the hitch in his breathing at finding him so close, but he didn’t get a chance to be embarrassed before Hermann leant forward and kissed him.

Subconsciously, his hands shot out and grabbed his hips, pulling him closer. Hermann didn’t protest, shuffling closer and threading his hands into his hair. Newt’s mind was lit up with happiness, his animal brain howling in joy and his instincts screaming at him to do anything to make sure he didn’t leave.

“Stop stop,” Newt gasped, his hands tightening their grip at the thought of letting him go. “Fuck. You’re married.”

“She doesn’t mind,” Hermann soothed, swaying forward until their foreheads were leaning together. “She knows I still love her. But I miss you, Newton, I want you to come home to Germany with me.”

A whimper burst out at the thought. “Is this because of the Drift?” He forced himself to ask. “Do you only want me there because I’m in your head?”

“I wouldn’t have considered inviting you to live with us before the Drift,” Hermann admitted. “But the Drift didn’t change my emotions, it just let me see the depth of your affection for me.”

“I love you,” Newt shuddered, it was the first time he’d been able to tell him to his face.

Hermann huffed and reached up to hold the piece of chalk. “You’ve made that quite apparent. I’m a little amazed I never noticed it before.”

“I didn’t see any point in letting you know,” Newt pulled back a little, the string pulling at his neck to stop him going too far. “You’re happily married. I’d rather be alone then get in the middle of that.”

“I know,” Hermann smiled, finally letting go of the chalk. “I’ve talked to Vanessa and she wants you to come home with me too. She wants to meet you and get to know you.”

“Your wife wants me to come live with you,” Newt raised an eyebrow sceptically. “What did you tell her about me?”

“She knew from our talks and emails while we were at the Dome about how much you annoyed me, but that I was fond of you regardless,” he leant forward to give him a small kiss. “I told her when I got home about our Drift and your feelings for me. She was the one that suggested I find you; she’s always been able to see straight through me.”

Newt fidgeted nervously, it was hard to think straight with Hermann so close; he wanted nothing more than to say yes but his practical side was insisting that he think about it for more than a second before he agreed to pack up his life.

“Okay,” he finally nodded, unable to resist the temptation to duck forward and kiss him. “But only for a trail period. I’ll stay with you for a couple of months and we’ll see how it goes.”

It was the best compromise he was going to be able to offer when all he wanted to do was promise forever; it was just as well that Hermann was already married or his instincts would have probably convinced him to propose.

He wouldn’t be able to stay longer than a couple of months; the last thing he wanted was for Hermann to find out just what his brain damage had done to him. His heats were his problem to deal with, no matter how much his body screamed out for Hermann during those days.

With that in mind, he told MIT that he was going on temporary leave for a few months and then went in search of Hermann, who had wandered off while he was on the phone. He found him in the bedroom, a suitcase open on the bed, quickly being filled up with clothes.

“Bit eager there, Herms?” He laughed, grinning at his rush. He stepped forward and shooed him out of the way so that he could take over packing, ignoring the part of him that wondered if it wasn’t moving a bit too fast.

“I have two tickets for Germany for tomorrow morning,” Hermann smiled at his shock. “I was confident that I could convince you to agree to come with me.”

“I better finish packing then,” Newt waved him off. “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit? You must have had a long flight here.”

Hermann hesitated a second and then left the bedroom, settling down on the couch in the living area to rest. Newt stuffed the last of his clothes into the case, selecting a mixture of fancy and normal clothes in case he had to go out anywhere. He poked his head out to check if Hermann was okay, smiling softly when he saw him napping on the couch, and then collected his essentials from the bathroom. He double checked that Hermann was still asleep before slipping his dildo and one tub of lube into the bottom of the case; he wasn’t planning on staying long enough to experience another heat, but he thought it would be better to pack them just in case he didn’t come back to the flat.

He used up the remaining food in his fridge for their meal and then woke Hermann up. They ate quickly, both still too tired to slow down. Newt had planned to let Hermann take the bed while he slept on the couch, but Hermann pulled him into the room and made it clear that they would be sharing the bed.

After three days of craving Hermann’s presence in his bed, it was strangely platonic once they were both ready for bed. They curled around each other and Hermann didn’t protest as Newt pressed as close as he could without hurting his bad leg. It was the best nights sleep Newt could remember having.

The seven-hour flight the next morning was less than relaxing; Hermann shifted uncomfortably in his chair constantly, his leg protesting at the cramped position for a second day. In contrast, Newt went from persistently jiggling his leg to complete stillness, and back again, multiple times as what he was doing began to really sink in.

He managed to stay silent until their car pulled up outside a nice-looking family home that Newt recognized from Hermann’s memories. Suddenly faced with the reality of agreeing to move to another country, Newt’s anxiety began to make itself known. Even his instincts were a little unhappy at the fact that he’d had to leave the safety of his nest.

“This is a bad idea,” he balked, staring up at the house but making no moves towards it. “I shouldn’t have agreed to this. Fuck, what am I doing here?”

“Calm down, Newton,” Hermann moved to stand in front of him. “Nothing’s permanent; you have a flat you can go back to if you’re not comfortable here, though I hope you will be. Right now, all you need to do is come inside and meet Vanessa; she’s excited to meet you but her condition meant that she couldn’t come with me to get you.”

“Her condition?!” Newt couldn’t stop his voice from getting hysterical. “She’s pregnant!? Shit, shit, crap. Why didn’t you mention this before?”

“Because I knew you would use it as an excuse to say no,” Hermann frowned stubbornly at him.

“Of course I would!” Newt shouted, flinging his arms out. “You want me to play happy families with you and your pregnant wife! Shit! I don’t even know what my role in this fucked up scenario is! Am I your friend that you don’t think can live alone because of the brain damage? Or am I your live-in lover? Your boyfriend on the side? Fuck,” he groaned and ran a hand over his face. “I don’t even know what’s going on between us, never mind adding your wife into the equation.”

“Newton,” Hermann stepped forward and tugged him into a hug, his head tucked into Hermann’s neck. “You’re here because I love you. Vanessa knows I love you, and she’s been able to see how unhappy I’ve been without you at my side. We spent ten years together, it’s not a surprise that we ended up so co-dependent, and that’s not even taking the Drift into consideration.”

Newt shuddered and pressed closer. “That’s the first time you’ve said it,” he mumbled into his shoulder, feeling a weight he didn’t know he was carrying began to loosen.

“Well, now you know,” Hermann huffed and pulled back. He limped to the back of the car and passed him one of the suitcases, taking the other one himself as he led the way to the front door. “Vanessa! We’re home.”

A beautiful dark-haired woman appeared from the doorway of the kitchen, a familiar smile on her lips. “I see you were successful with your kidnapping.”

“Only partially,” Hermann accepted a quick kiss, placing the suitcase onto the floor by the couch. “He’s insisting on classing this as a trail period. We have a couple of months to convince him.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard,” Vanessa reached out and easily folded him into an unexpected hug. “It’s a delight to finally meet you, Newton.”

“You can call me Newt,” he offered, relaxing into the hug when his instincts didn’t protest. He had been worried that the part of his mind that saw Hermann as his ‘mate’ would take offense to his wife, in which case he would have left immediately.

“Let me show you to your room,” she took his arm in one hand and the suitcase Hermann had dropped in the other. “You’re just across the hall from us, but you have the bathroom to yourself unless one on us wants a bath.”

The room she led him to hadn’t changed much from Hermann’s memories; it was a soothing pale blue colour with a double bed, chest of drawers and built-in wardrobe. They dumped the cases at the foot of the bed and Newt tried not to startle when Vanessa took a hold of both of his hands.

“I know you must be confused about all of this,” she smiled warmly at him. “Hermann seems to be of the opinion that everything will just fall into place now that you’re here, but he’s never been the best with emotions.” She rolled her eyes fondly. “I thought I should reassure you that we do both want you here; Hermann would never have suggested that you come to live with us unless I’d agreed first.”

“And you’re okay with, this,” he waved a hand, hindered slightly by the fact that she didn’t let go.

“I’ve never doubted Hermann’s love,” she told him. “He isn’t the best at expressing himself, but I know he loves me.” She continued before Newt could interrupt. “I also know that he has a lot of love to give and his love for me won’t be lessened by his love for you.”

Newt blushed, ducking his head down. “I love him too.”

Vanessa let out a quiet laugh. “Oh, I know that,” she squeezed his hands. “It’s quite obvious with how you look at him; I can only hope that it’s so apparent because of the Drift. If you’ve always looked at him like that and he still didn’t pick up on your feelings for him, I’ll have to revoke his genius status.”

“It’s because of the Drift,” Newt grimaced, pulling his hands away, thankful when she didn’t offer any resistance. “But not the one we shared. He must have told you about the damage I caused to my own brain, I’m afraid it had the most impact on my emotions.”

“He did tell me yes,” she gestured for them to go back towards the living room. “He was incredibly worried when he found out. I expect you’ll be quizzed at some point about how it has affected you.”

“That can’t wait until later,” Hermann said decisively. “I think we could both to with a rest before dinner after that flight.”

Newt hummed in agreement, turning around and going back to his room. He shoved his cases onto the floor and made a mental note to sort them out and unpack after his nap. He didn’t sleep as well on his own as he had the night before with Hermann in his bed, but that was something he knew he would have to get used to.

He managed to drop off into a restless sleep for about two hours before we woke up again, his brain still reaching for the last vestiges of his dream. When he was as tired as he had been when he went to lie down, he didn’t tend to have nightmares, but he did have them if he didn’t go to sleep exhausted.

The house was still quiet when he rolled out of bed so he crept into the bathroom and took a quick shower, washing the feel of traveling off. Figuring that they wouldn’t be going anywhere, he got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and soft t-shirt before making his way through the house.

He found Vanessa cooking some sort of pasta dish in the kitchen while Hermann sat at the table, talking softly as he watched her prepare the meal. Newt felt like he was intruding when he walked in, but they both smiled at him.

The food was as lovely as it smelled and Newt tried to drag the meal out, his mind on the fact that Vanessa had mentioned that Hermann would have questions about his brain damage. Unfortunately, there was only so much stalling he could do to prolong the meal before they were finished.

“Honestly, Newton,” Hermann rolled his eyes. “Anyone would think I was about to torture you.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “It’s not something I like to talk about.”

“We just need to know what to look out for,” Vanessa soothed.

“I can give you a copy of my scans,” Newt offered doubtfully. “But Dr Varela made it clear that I’m the first to have this sort of damage, probably since I’m the only one stupid enough to Drift with a Kaiju.”

“Why don’t you tell us about the symptoms you’ve noticed instead,” Vanessa suggested, stopping Hermann from speaking when he opened his mouth.

“There’s not a lot that you’d notice,” Newt shrugged. “I sometimes struggle to hide my emotions and my instincts are stronger now. That’s the only thing that affects me every day, but even then, I can usually push them down or work around them.”

“You mentioned yesterday that you’d had a ‘flare-up’,” Hermann prompted him sternly.

Newt frowned and twitched in his chair. “I get a flare-up every three months,” he answered honestly, finding it impossible to lie to him. “But you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll leave before it happens.”

“You most certainly will not!” Hermann snapped, shaking off Vanessa’s hand when she reached out to calm him down. “You could barely stand up without help when I got there. You’re not leaving to go through that alone.”

“It’s private,” Newt shouted back. “God damnit Hermann! I don’t want anyone to see me like that.”

“I could help!” Hermann argued.

“Why don’t we leave this to one side for now,” Vanessa spoke up. “If he’s just had a flare-up then Newt might change his mind in the next three months.” She glared at him when he muttered his disagreement. “And if not, we can decide what to do closer to the time.”

“Great,” Newt stood up. “Now that’s over with, I’m going to bed.”

He stormed off before either of them could say anything, wishing it didn’t feel so much like a retreat. Of course he wanted Hermann to be there for his ‘heat’, but that was his animal mind talking. His normal mind was horrified at the thought of being seen like that and knew that Hermann would feel guilted into helping if he knew.

As promised, he unpacked his clothes and shoved his cases into the bottom of the wardrobe, taking his laptop back to the bed with him. He checked through his emails, responding to a few of his students and snorted at the belated warning from Tendo that he’d told Hermann how to contact him.

Hermann stepped into the room just as he was emailing Tendo back but he refused to look up from his laptop. He waited until Hermann climbed onto the bed next to him before shutting his computer and turning to face him.

He was expecting a continuation of their argument, so it was a nice surprise when Hermann kissed him. Newt relaxed into the kiss with a happy hum, sliding his hands under Hermann’s shirt and pulling his closer. Hermann returned the gesture, his hands exploring the length of his back and down to his waistband.

“I want to help,” he said once they separated for air.

“You don’t even know what you’re offering,” Newt sighed.

“Only because you won’t tell me,” Hermann frowned, placing a small kiss on his jaw to take the sting out of his words.

Newt kissed him again, silencing him with his tongue. He slipped his hands lower and pulled until Hermann was positioned over his lap, resting his weight on his good leg. Hermann didn’t object to the new position, dragging Newt’s t-shirt off and dropping it onto the floor before leaving a trail of kisses on his neck. Subconsciously, he tilted his head to the side, revealing the line of his throat in the hopes that Hermann would bite down.

Hermann huffed at the offering, sucking at the junction of his neck and shoulder until Newt was sure that he’d have a hickey. It wasn’t quite what he’d wanted, but it was enough to temporally quieten down his instincts. He stripped Hermann’s shirt off of him in return, leaning forward so that he could kiss at his collarbone.

It was impossible to stop the whine in his throat when Hermann pulled back. He had to fight the urge to thrust his hips against Hermann’s, knowing that this wasn’t the right time to push things any further but desperately wanting more. He was hard for the first time outside of his heats since the first time his biology had turned against him.

Hermann gave him another quick kiss before pulling away fully and wobbling to his feet next to the bed. Newt didn’t complain, but he did thump his head against the bedframe as he watched Hermann collect his shirt. He accepted a final kiss before he left; he felt a bit like a dirty mistress, watching his lover go back to his wife.

Once he’d gone, Newt didn’t hesitate in pushing his pants down and curling his hand around his erection, muffling his groan into his arm. It didn’t take long to get off; the thought and smell of Hermann more than enough to finish him, moaning out his name as he climaxed and shuddering at the feeling of release after so long.

Vanessa greeted him with a smirk the next morning that made him suspect that he hadn’t been as quiet as he’d hoped the night before. Hermann gave them both a peck on the lips before he had to hurry out of the door for work; he was still working for the PPDC, calculating the chance of another Breach opening, but he was also lecturing at a university.

The university offered to let him lecture there too, but Newt turned them down. Instead, he got back in touch with a lab that had offered him a job when he’d first left the PPDC. They were still happy to accept him and agreed to give him access to their labs on a part-time basis. He wouldn’t be working with Kaiju remains, but he had other projects that he’d neglected for too long.

On the days that he wasn’t working, Newt helped Vanessa out with the house work and cooking, using any free time to make life easier for the couple that had taken him in. Vanessa had been in her first month pregnant when he’d first arrived, so she was thankful for the help.

The first two months passed in the same way; working during the day, followed by heated make out sessions with Hermann that ended with him jerking off alone in his room. He could only get aroused if Hermann was there to work him up which only proved his Hermann-sexual theory.

He could sense that Hermann was ready to take it further, but he never pushed when Newt stopped him. Truthfully, Newt didn’t know why he kept stopping; it felt right and he wanted it so much, but he still kept pulling away.

Tension began to invade the house as they got closer to the three-month line. Newt began researching nearby hotels so that he would have the option of staying near-by, Hermann spent days snapping at everything and everyone, and Vanessa was forced to play mediator more times than a four-month pregnant woman should have had to.

“I’ve found a hotel that I can stay in during my flare-up,” Newt announced after dinner about a week before his heat was supposed to hit. “That is, if I’m still welcome to come back afterwards.”

“Of course you’re welcome back!” Hermann exploded. “We don’t want you to go in the first place!”

“Does that mean you’ve decided to stay?” Vanessa elbowed her husband. “No more trail period?”

“Yes,” Newt nodded nervously. “If you’re still sure.”

“We are,” Vanessa grinned happily. “Now, if you doctors will excuse me, I believe the rest of this argument is best left down to you two.”

She gripped Hermann’s shoulder for help getting up and then wandered towards their bedroom, shutting the door behind her to give them some privacy. Feeling twitchy once she was no longer there to step in, Newt began to make himself a coffee just to have something to do with his hands.

“Newton,” Hermann sighed, watching as his shoulders tensed. “Talk to me. Tell me why you don’t want my help.”

Newt let his head sag forward; it was getting harder the longer he avoided the subject not to blurt the truth out. His instincts were constantly urging him to confide in Hermann and the memory of what he would go through alone was playing in a loop in his mind.

“It’s humiliating,” he finally admitted, turning around so that he could lean his hips against the counter and look at Hermann.

“Everyone needs help occasionally,” Hermann raised an eyebrow and gestured towards his bad leg. “Don’t you think it’s embarrassing for me to admit when I need help.”

“It’s not quite the same thing, Herms,” he blushed.

“They’re both things we can’t control,” Hermann argued. “If I can help then I want to. I understand that you feel ashamed about not being able to look after yourself during these ‘flare-ups’ but you know I would never judge you for them. If you’re really insistent on not accepting my help, I can leave and Vanessa could help instead.”

Newt smiled hopelessly at him, feeling like his love was going to choke him; it meant a lot that he would be willing to leave as long as he knew that he wasn’t alone. It was a big gesture from someone who could be a control freak about the health of his loved ones.

“Thank you, for offering,” Newt said, deciding to be brave. “But it doesn’t work like that. I might as well go through it alone if you’re not there.”

Hermann sat up straighter at the new information. “What do you mean by that? Does that mean you want my help?”

Newt let out a long breath while he tried to think of the right words. “My brain thinks we’re…married?” He risked a glance at Hermann’s puzzled face before focusing on the wall behind him. “As you know, the solo Drift damaged my brain; it changed something in the workings of my mind. My instincts became more animalistic – like a wolf – and then I Drifted with you, and my mind latched onto yours. This is going to sound insane, but my mind thinks we’re mated for life.”

He ignored the choking noise that his confession caused; if he stopped talking then he wouldn’t be able to start again. “I tested it, of course. I can’t kiss anyone else without having a panic attack and the thought of sex with them makes me physically ill. Not that that matters since the only time I get…aroused…is when you’re there.” Newt let out a bitter laugh. “Except every three months when I go into a fucking heat. And even then, you’re still the only one that I want.”

“Newt,” the shortened version of his name forced him to actually look at Hermann. He’d stood up at some point and was standing so close he wondered how he’d missed it.

“I’m sorry,” Newt looked away again. “Bet you regret offering to help now.”

“Newton,” Hermann sighed again. “I still want to help. But would you consent to a few experiments of my own?”

Newt nodded with wide eyes, having expected Hermann to outright disbelieve him and decide that his brain was damaged more than he’d thought. Hermann fetched Vanessa from her room and Newt knew immediately where the experiment was going, his eyes getting even wider.

“Vanessa, love, this might be a strange request,” Hermann smiled at her. “But I’m going to go leave the room. While I’m gone, please can you kiss Newton for me?”

“Sure,” Vanessa smirked at them. “It’s about time I get my turn.”

Hermann laughed and left the room as he’d promised. Vanessa waited until he was in the bedroom before walking forwards slowly, making sure he was okay with it. Once she was near enough, Newt pulled her against him; Hermann’s memories often meant his feelings for Vanessa were mixed up. There was a part of him that was left over from the Drift that was in love with her, but even without that, he would have been attracted to her.

Unfortunately, his feelings weren’t enough to stop his panic when she kissed him. He immediately flinched back. “Sorry,” he gasped out, listening to her as she called out for Hermann.

“I don’t know what happened,” she said when he came back in. “He just panicked.”

“Do you feel better now, Newton?” Hermann asked carefully.

Newt nodded, the panicking subsiding when it became clear that he wasn’t going to be kissing her again. Hermann hummed thoughtfully and kissed his cheek in apology before doing the same to Vanessa.

“What does it feel like when you kiss someone else?” He questioned.

“Panic,” Newt answered immediately. The look Hermann gave him made him stop and consider exactly how he felt. “Like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m betraying you.”

“Okay,” Hermann nodded. “If I’m here, do you think it will still feel like that?”

“Only one way to find out,” Newt offered Vanessa his hand with a charming smile. “If the lady is willing.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes but accepted his hand. Nervous, but willing to try, he tugged her back to how they were before and then shut his eyes and kissed her. He could feel the panic beginning to rise, but it was more sluggish than before. Instinctively, he reached behind him and grabbed hold of Hermann, the panicked feeling disappearing immediately at his touch. Once he knew he wasn’t going to panic, it was easy to enjoy the kiss until they had to pull apart.

“That was much better,” Vanessa grinned, giving him a heated look. “I will be expecting a repeat of that.”

“Me too,” Hermann agreed shamelessly. “And now we have confirmation that you can be physical with other people provided I’m present.”

“I think you and Vanessa are enough,” he laughed, thrilled that Hermann wasn’t jealous by the thought of him kissing his wife.

Hermann explained the situation to Vanessa as she’d been out of the room during Newt’s rant. It was rather flattering that she’d been willing to kiss him without knowing why, simply because she’d wanted to. For the first time since Hermann had forced himself back into his life, he began to feel like he might not have to be alone, not even for his heats.

“I don’t know how accepting I’ll be of Vanessa during my…heat,” Newt warned with a blush. “My instincts can be pretty feral when I’m worked up. I don’t know if I’ll see her as competition, even though I haven’t before.”

“I noticed that,” Hermann replied ruefully. “It’s nice to have confirmation that you were baring your neck though.”

Vanessa let out a delighted laugh. “I’ll leave if my presence begins to cause you distress.”

Newt spent the next week on edge; it was obvious that Vanessa and Hermann didn’t understand how intense his heats were. They saw it as three days where he’d be hornier than usual and assumed he was exaggerating when he tried to explain how it was for him. He just hoped that they didn’t leave him alone again when they saw it for themselves.

When his nesting day hit, he called up the lab and told them that he’d be out for a week before even venturing out of his room. Hermann had said that he would take the week off too to stay with him, so Newt knocked on their bedroom door to let them know before Hermann could get ready for work.

“It’s starting,” he announced once Vanessa opened the door, fidgeting and rocking on his heels.

“I’ll tell Hermann,” she kissed his cheek, the platonic contact not affecting him.

He nodded and went to the kitchen to gather the water bottles that they’d bought in specially, taking them back to his bedroom. His instincts felt stronger than they had before, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he was somewhere new, or if it was because he knew his mate would be there.

Either way, when Hermann finally came to find him, he was busy rearranging his pillows and placing water bottles strategically around the bed. He’d placed the tub of lube he’d packed near the top pillows where it would be easy to reach and the dildo on the bedside table.

“Is something wrong?” Hermann asked when Newt stopped his fussing and glared at the bed.

“There’s not enough pillows,” he climbed off the bed and began opening cupboard doors to find more. “Where do you keep the pillows in this house?”

Hermann spent the day following him in and out of the bedroom as he tried to prepare anything, until dinner time when he refused to leave his room. Even with the knowledge that Hermann was there, the panic at leaving his room was so overwhelming, Hermann eventually had to leave him there.

“I do wish you’d eat something,” Vanessa fussed when they came into his bedroom after they’d eaten. Newt wrinkled his nose in distaste; his metabolism had slowed to the point that the thought of food was completely unappealing. “Right, I’ll leave you to it then. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

They’d agreed beforehand that Vanessa was to sleep in their room so that she wasn’t woken up since she needed more sleep with the pregnancy. It was also in case Newt reacted badly to her; they didn’t want him to become aggressive while Hermann was asleep, as unlikely as it was.

As before, the heat had taken hold during the night. He woke up painfully hard and let out a pitiful moan, stripping his clothes out and kicking the blanket away from himself. Hermann let out a grumble of protest at the draft and then woke up fully at the sound of Newt getting himself off right next to him. He shuddered at the feeling of his eyes on him, coming over his fist and whining as it did nothing for his erection.

“Fuck,” he gasped, rocking his hips upwards into his fist. “Hermann, please.”

Hermann stripped off and climbed on top of him, shoving his good thigh between his legs and using his arms to support himself above him. Newt surged up to kiss him, letting go of his dick to grab onto his shoulders, grinding his erection against his thigh.

It wasn’t long before he came again, his moan muffled into Hermann’s mouth. Hermann moaned back and began kissing down his neck, paying special attention to the junction between his neck and shoulder. He barely heard the door open and close again as Vanessa stepped into the room.

“Please,” he gasped again, thrusting his hips insistently. “Fuck me.”

He groaned loudly when Hermann reached for the lube and spread it onto his fingers. Vanessa climbed onto the bed and hesitantly stroked a hand down his tattoos, gaining confidence when he didn’t protest.

He whimpered when Hermann moved his thigh away, relaxing again when he encouraged him to turn over. Vanessa positioned herself against the headboard so that he could rest his head in her lap. She was only wearing her underwear, so he gave her thigh a cautious kiss, pleased when there wasn’t even a trickle of panic.

His attention was quickly drawn away from Vanessa as Hermann pressed a finger inside him. Letting out a loud moan, he tried to rock his hips backwards into it, huffing when a hand on his hips stopped him. Hermann made ensure he was properly prepared; stretching him slowly until Newt was crying and rubbing himself against the mattress. He came again like that with just Hermann’s fingers in him before Hermann finally deemed him ready.

The relief he felt when Hermann pushed into him was like nothing he’d ever felt before and he came immediately once he was fully in. Vanessa ran her hand through his hair soothingly as he adjusted to her husband inside him. Thankfully, he didn’t have to beg again; Hermann began to thrust against him straight away, punching moans out of him.

By this point, he was already getting sensitive, every thrust sending sparks up his spine as Hermann hit his prostrate unerringly. His thrusts got more and more erratic until he knew that he was going to come soon and Newt let out a whine at he thought that he was going to pull out soon. All thought was wiped out of his head when Hermann gave a harsh thrust and bit down on his neck at the same time.

His vision whited out in pleasure and he didn’t even feel Hermann pull out. No matter how much he’d hoped that that would be it, he was still hard when he could see again. Apparently, not even Hermann’s presence could calm the heat down.

Hermann was still panting next to him while he pressed his face back into Vanessa’s lap, smelling how turned on she was. He hooked a foot around Hermann’s calf and nudged at Vanessa until she took the hint and removed her panties, groaning when he leant forward and licked between her legs.

He found her clit with his tongue and jerked off to the same rhythm, his dick trapped between his hand and the mattress. She came with a shout and pushed his head away when she became too sensitive. Newt grunted in frustration, wriggling until he could lie on his back and reach out for his dildo.

He fucked himself while Vanessa wobbled out of the room to get her and Hermann something to eat. Hermann kissed and touched him, but he couldn’t get hard again that quickly. Vanessa took over as Hermann quickly ate, making sure to keep their legs tangled together.

The rest of the day passed in the same way. He would fuck Vanessa when Hermann was too tired to help out and be fucked by Hermann whenever he got hard. They encouraged him to drink whenever one of them stopped to eat something, but he still didn’t drink much. He finally passed out near the end of the day, Hermann’s dick in his ass and his own dick grinding into Vanessa’s hand.

As promised, the second day was worse than the first. It passed in a blur of sex and need, comforted by the presence of his mate but frustrated at how often he was left empty and aching. They quickly caught on to the fact that he couldn’t come without being fucked and swapped who was holding the dildo in his ass until he came, thrusting it in and out. He was beyond words for the whole day, his mind overtaken with lust and need, refusing to take even a small drink of water.

He began to come back to himself again by the third day, still hard and aching, but also so oversensitive that he came easily. Vanessa sat in front of him, thrusting the dildo into him while he laid back against Hermann, his hands running over his chest and occasionally scratching at his nipples.

It was a relief to wake up without the wave of despair that usually accompanied the day after his heat. Instead, he felt needy and clingy; still emotional in a way that suggested he’d start to cry if left alone, but more stable than he usually was.

Hermann let out a weak groan when Newt cuddled closer, his hand sleepily reaching down to grab at Newt’s soft dick, causing him to hiss out a breath and move his hips away. The noise and motion woke him up properly and he blinked at him sleepily.

“Morning,” Newt croaked, a bottle of water appearing in front and causing him to go cross-eyed. He looked up to see Vanessa offering the bottle from Hermann’s other side. Sometime during his heat, they must have decided that she was better off staying in the room. “Thanks.” He downed the whole bottle and chucked it behind him off the bed.

“It’s good to see you aware,” Hermann stroked his thumb across his cheek.

“Sorry,” he pressed closer until he was nearly lying on top of him.

“Not your fault,” Hermann sagged back into the bed and wrapped an arm around him. “You told us what would happen.”

“I need a shower,” Vanessa groaned, staggering out of the bed on shaky legs and picking her way across the floor, trying to avoid stepping on any of the plates, bottle, and other rubbish that had made its way into the room.

“Agreed,” Hermann didn’t make any attempt to move, but Newt still let out a distressed sound at the thought of being left alone. “What? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Newt tightened his grip so that he couldn’t get up. “I’m fine. Sorry. Just clingy. I don’t want to be alone.”

Hermann relaxed back. “That’s fine,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere. Though I wouldn’t object to sharing a shower.”

Deciding that would be a great idea, they shuffled into the bathroom while making sure to stay close and in constant contact. It was amazing to get clean; he wasn’t normally aware enough the day after his heat to recognise how filthy he felt after the three-day sex-a-thon.

They settled into Hermann and Vanessa’s bed once they were all cleaned and dressed in their underwear. Hermann made sure that Newt drank and ate the most, but he insisted – truthfully – that he didn’t feel dehydrated. Privately, he suspected that it was thanks to being forced to drink during his heat by Vanessa and because he hadn’t spent a day crying.

It was impossible to draw lines after that; he moved his stuff into their bedroom the weekend after he’d gone back to work after a few too many sleepless nights. Newt was perfectly happy with how his life had turned out; he’d helped save the world and was dating the hottest couple he knew. He would prefer to not have to deal with the heats, but he could live with them now he was no longer dealing with them alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [@exhaustedcommonsense](https://exhaustedcommonsense.tumblr.com)


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